CHAPEL SERVICE BESIDE THE ATLANTIC OCEAN

Sawgrass Chapel, a Special Blessing

Slept well last night, which is not always true at my advanced age.   Thus, I was  up at 6 am with lots  of time to get ready for our 7:30 Sawgrass Chapel service.

Sawgrass Chapel was the main factor in our deciding to moving to this area.  In 1986 we were in the US looking for a retirement location.  We started in south Florida, looking at several possible places before arriving in north Florida.  We had been told about Sawgrass Country Club by a young man from Jacksonville who was in Cali that year working for a US firm as part of his studies for his MBA in international business.  When we came to Ponte Vedra, his father and step-mother invited us to Sawgrass Chapel.  Upon leaving the service, Scott said to me, “These are the kind of people we want to live among.”  The next day we bought a house in the Sawgrass Country Club area.

Sawgrass Chapel is unique in many ways.  It was founded  in the early 1980’s by a bible study group of about 10 people who wanted to have a sunrise service before going on to their regular church.  The leader was a retired Navy Captain, Bill Lewis, who would conduct the service.  Word spread,  attendance grew, and this quickly evolved into  primary worship for many people.  One of the members played the guitar, and a few hymns were sung after which prayers were offered and Bill would give a sermon.  If someone wanted to give a donation, a box was on a table  where  money could be left.   (The money is collected for charity and it is impressive how much is collected in that box when there is no pressure to give. ) The format is till the same today, over 30 years later.

About the time we arrived,  Capt. John Dolaghan, Navy Chaplin, retired to Sawgrass.  These two Navy men had know each other in the service, and Bill invited John to share in the preaching.  John Dolaghan is an outstanding, inspired preacher.  When we arrived and began attending,  the attendance was around 40 at the most.  Today the attendance is always at least 200 and usually more.  On church holidays, the place is overflowing. Knowledge of our Chapel is by word of mouth only.  An email is sent out to members if the service must be held inside the club house due to inclement weather.

Service has always been held at our Sawgrass Beach Club in an open-air pavilion on the Atlantic Ocean. No one gets up at 6 am for a church service every Sunday unless you really want to be here.  All the set-up is done by volunteers from the chapel members.  Today we have three pastors, and all of them excellent preachers.  Two of them have a job during the week.  The third is a retired business man.  The service was founded to be Christian ecumenical and still is today.  There is a bit more organization than at the very beginning, but not much.  Our pastors are  now paid a small stipend as is the guitarist.  A small group of members, meet at times to discuss the charities to whom our collection money is to go. One member serves as treasure in that he makes sure tax receipts are mailed the end of each year for donations.   Other volunteer members are in charge of our sound system. There is no overhead.  The building belongs to the Club, which generously also provides coffee and sets up the chairs for us.

I love attending Sawgrass Chapel.   We are in the midst of God’s creation.   The sun rises. The pelican and seagulls fly over.  One can hear the lapping of the waves below or the crashing of same depending on the weather.  There is a sense of being in God’s cathedral.  Very special to me is that Jeannie and her husband Lisle usually come with me. Our hymn singing is lead by a man playing a guitar and the congregation sings in spontaneous harmony.  Wonderful!  Magnificent!  No wonder so many people attend every Sunday  Each one of our Pastors are excellent preachers.  Today’s sermon was on the fact that our faith is displayed through our good works.  I always leave Chapel with a sense of being very glad that I came, “for here we met with the Lord”

An extra bonus, a delightful breakfast is served at the club house, a few steps away.  Many of the members gather there afterwards.

 

 

LOSING A FRIEND – PLAN FOR OLD AGE APRIL 9, 2018

Mom and Friends.jpgA few weeks ago I lost a very good friend of over 50 years.   This is not an unusual occurrence when one reaches the ninth decade of life.  However, the loss of this friend has been very troubling.  I find myself daily grieving for the sad end of the  life of this smart, accomplished, interesting woman. (Center in group above at her house party)

She died late February  in a nursing home.   She had dementia and had had in Aug, 2017, a stroke, but  the cause of death was the return of  a virulent cancer which metastasized rapidly.  As far as I know none of her friends or family, except a nephew who flew in from Seattle, visited her at the hospital.  None  were at her bedside when she died,  except a woman, who I shall call Mary,  who had power of attorney,  was executor of my friend’s estate, and a beneficiary.    She was buried without the Jewish burial rites, (her request I am told by Mary) in Brooklyn in a plot she had purchased, and again with no one there to mourn her passing, except the aforementioned Mary.

It deeply  hurts me to think of her so isolated from acquaintances, friends, family, all of which over the years she had many.  And yet so alone at the end of her life.  And as I ask myself, “Where were all these people over the past few years, months, days?,” I have to ask myself, “Where were you?”

My friend had never married.  However she had been highly successful in the TV world and was well-known in the entertainment world.  She had been active in various organizations during her career and after retirement.   She traveled extensively.  She was smart, accomplished and caring.  She was responsible for getting six of us, who at one time worked at NBC, together on several occasions for a four-day house party at her Hampton home.  Of this group, there are now only two living. What a wonderful times we had, lying  by the pool, laughing about old times, drinking wine and cooking delicious food.  She visited  my family when I lived in South America.  She visited me and my daughter and her husband  every spring for 15 years,  volunteering at The Players golf  tournament.  I frequently visited her in NYC as I  had children for many years in the area.  She also made several trips to New England to visit my family in MA and our former NBC colleague in NH.

Her last visit to us was 2012.  During this visit, she became confused when returning one day from the golf course to our home.  She called and I drove to get her.  We then discussed that perhaps she should be thinking about the future.  However, there were no more such incidents and she was not interested.  After that visit our contacts were limited to phone calls.  As the years went on, she often commented on having trouble with memory, but so did all my peers.  I wish I had  taken the time to stop by NYC on my  annual trip to Boston, but each time there seemed to be an excuse.

Even more so, I really feel guilty I did not go see her in March of last year. My daughter with her daughter and grandson went to see my friend.   My daughter called that morning to let my friend know they were coming to take her to lunch.  When they arrived, they had to bang and bang on her apartment door as she did not answer her phone.  She finally opened her door, in a daze ,wondering why someone was banging on her door.  She had forgotten.  They did go to lunch and had a lovely time.  Photos were taken and I was appalled at how sick my friend looked. I thought of going, but did not.   I deeply regret this apathy, laziness.  I was concerned but did nothing about it.

I do not know if a visit from me at that time would have made any difference.  But at least I would not have  lost my last chance to see my dear friend when we could still  have had a nice visit.  I called her many  times over the next months, but no answer.  I was too busy to follow up, until around Christmas when I became concerned.  Finally in Jan. I was able to reach Mary’s husband who told me the state of my friend’s health.  Immediately called her at the hospital, but any chance of meaningful conversation was gone.  She kept asking me “Get me out of her!!”  There was nothing I could do.  Too little, too late.

But with this blog, I can write comments which will I hope help anyone who reads this to be sure this does not happen to them, a friend or family member.

 

  1. Watch out for denial!! for yourself as well as family members and friends.  I spoke to my friend ,when she was last here in 2012, about her losing her way home, but she was in complete denial.  I pleaded with her to begin thinking about a retirement community near her nephew or near her cousins, and to do so while she was mentally capable of making her own decisions.
  2. Plan for worst, although hope for best.    Think ahead and have an idea of what, where, and how you want to spend your elderly years.  Plans can always be changed, but have some plans.  Do not leave this to the last.
  3. Make a will  – Everyone should have a will.  No one knows what tomorrow will bring.  In my case, I wanted everyone in the family to have a copy of the will.  They were informed in advance what would be in the will, in case there was some objection. My husband and I made of list of special objects and to whom they were to go….this ended with a note asking that there be  no arguments, because the most important thing in life is the love and support of a united caring family.   As my children know, when I downsized to my apartment, attached to my daughter’s house, I gave all the special items to the designated families .  I enjoy very much seeing the furniture pieces in their home and the women wearing the jewelry.  Glad to have lived to see this.
  4. Do not make material possessions your God, clinging to each dime as a life-giving item.  My friend worked hard and she made a great deal of money, but I never felt she enjoyed it.  She worked hard and  scraped and saved and then when she was old and had no children to leave it to, she continued to take the cheap flights at 5 am, carry her luggage onto a subway, etc. etc. I do not pretend to know  why?  I only know it is sad. Within the bounds of common sense and good financial planning, enjoy life,
  5. Do not allow yourself to become isolated.  This is easy to happen.  Friends will die, move always, or mentally will be gone.  Visit your sick friends, reach out for new friends, keep in touch with old friends and family with phone, face time, text. Learn something new. That is what I a doing with this blog. Have  people over to visit if just for a bowl of soup, cup of tea, wine or cheese.  Go to church!!!  Participate in social clubs, such as book clubs, bible study, etc.  Get out and socialize!   EXERCISE!  Good for soul and body. Do not lose your sense of humor
  6. Emergency telephone number.  If you know anyone who is alone, be sure to  have an emergency telephone number for them.  If you suspect something is wrong, then you can call the emergency contact and discuss your concern. Suggest you check to be sure this contact  is a  younger person.

 

 

 

 

Easter 2018, Where did 62 years go?

 

April 4, 2018 – Getting my thoughts for today’s blog organized

My best thoughts come at night or  in the morning when I am not completely asleep nor completely awake.  I wish I could record these thoughts at that moment for once awake and getting started with the affairs of the day,  these well-expressed thoughts are for the most part forgotten.   I invite comments on content or writing style.  This morning a good friend and peer of mine in age commented that I was talking too much about being old.  Since this is about life after 90, that seems to me to be difficult to change, but  I intend  to write about other things also.

Easter Sunday

This was a beautiful day here is Ponte Vedra.  Jeanne, Lisle, and Alex joined me at Easter Chapel celebration which was held 7:30 am  at the club pavilion on the beach.  With the waves crashing on shore and the pelicans and  sea gulls flying over, this is a marvelous site in which to praise God, especially on the day of His resurrection.  The sermon was  particularly well given, stressing the joyful and  triumphant aspect of this very holy day,  and ending with the pastor raising his arms and crying our, “He is risen!  To which the congregation called back, the age-old reply, “He is risen indeed!”

Breakfast

Back to our house, to have breakfast with the rest of the Easter weekend guests, Lisle’s sister, husband and two children.  It was great to have them here as always.  After breakfast they left to attend Easter services at the Cathedral in St. Augustine and continue on home in Tampa.

Easter Dinner

Lisle and his brother, Alex, did most of the cooking and did their usual outstanding job.  The rack of lamb was cooked to perfection.  We were joined by our long-time friends, the Powells.

All in all, a truly lovely Easter Sunday!

Early to bed, and as I was falling asleep, I wondered, “Where have all the years gone?!”

Scott and I were married in Jan. 25, 1956 in Panama in the Canal Zone.   A few days later when we arrived in Cali after our honeymoon in Boquete, Panama, we were wonderfully welcomed by the executives of Colgate Palmolive Colombia with a beautiful party at the San Fernando Club. This photo taken that night at the party.

Mom Dad young and Formal

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July., 1957,  I am holding my precious first child, Jeanne Ann Jeffery, called Jeannie by the family.  It seems like yesterday-

Name today is Jeannie Jeffery Pilcher.  She is the mother of  a son and daughter  and grandmother of one grandson

Today our family numbers 24 when we are all together .  I think I have counted everyone.

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This photo,  taken March 31, 2018,  the day before Easter,  is of Jeannie’s grandson, my great grandson, 17 months old, Oscar, busy and very focused as he  participates in his first Easter egg hunt

I am still puzzling how the 62 years went by so fast.  I urge every one to cherish each day, relish each experience, good or bad, for lessons are to be learned from each, for the days are gone in a flash.

Personal Thoughts, Holy Week, Two excellent movies about WW II

Trying  to better organize my thoughts for writing a blog.

I am finding writing a blog more complicated than I thought.  Be patient with me, few readers that I have, while I am able to master this new activity.

Last week was complicated with my getting a cold, due to forgetting my age and doing far too  much on Tuesday.  Over the years it has been proven that if I get too tired I will very possibly contact a cold, leading to bronchitis and at times pneumonia.  This is genetic, but with the advancing years, has become more frequent.  One of the most difficult emotions in these so-called “golden years,” is that of facing reality.  This reality check covers all aspects of life and more so the older one gets.  I will write about this another day.  A close friend of mine died a few weeks ago, and is a sad example about not facing reality.  I am very blessed with children, all of whom loving support me, but thankfully also give me a reality check when needed.  One example:  Just before my 90th birthday party, which was a complete surprise, Lisle kept saying over and over “Fourth of July is coming and we are doing our annual brunch, plus dinner and fireworks at the Club .  Do not overdo and get sick!”  I am so glad he did.

Thus Holy Week was spent being very careful, pacing myself, and keeping my annoying cold to just that, a cold, so that I could enjoy visiting family and Easter Sunday service and dinner.   On the positive side, I took time to write many emails and letters and make many long-neglected calls.  In addition, downloaded and watched two outstanding films on my computer – “The Darkest Hour” and “Dunkirk.”

Good Friday is to me a very sacred observance . Due my cold,  for the first time in at least 30 years, I was unable to attend.  As a form of observation,  I took time around noon to read my bible and do a  study on the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.   This reminded me of the horror, brutality, and sorrow of the crucification suffered by Jesus.  I have always felt, at least for me, it is important to observe Good Friday to truly appreciate the triumphant joy of Easter Sunday.

Comments and reaction on “Darkest Hour,” and “Dunkirk,” both movies about WWII

The Darkest Hour, portraying Sir Winston Churchill, during the early days of  WWII, was beautifully done.  The script stayed close to historical accuracy.  The portrayal of Churchill, a man for his  time and his mission, who in spite of his flaws, rose to the challenge, with determination, courage, strong leadership,and a inspired way with words,  His thrilling speech “We will fight on the beaches,…..We will NEVER give  up,”  brought the UK together to withstand what seemed like imminent defeat.  Grandson Chris and I many years ago took a tour through the underground command  center from which the Brits managed the war. It was a impressive visit which reminded me and taught young Chris about the courage, tenacity of the British people .  There is a book written about the Women’s Institute telling how women from all socio-economic groups, especially from the rural areas, were a big factor in saving England.  Remaking their mindset and setting to work in mens jobs, they produced food, for their island country, when it was impossible to import.  The TV series Home Fires was based on this. I found this book awesome.  What these women, some whom had seldom left their farms, accomplished is nothing short of miraculous!!! The name of the book is ‘Home Fires:  The Story of the Women’s Institute in the Second World War,” written by Julie Summers. Once the US joined in the fight in  Europe , Mrs. Roosevelt became interested in the Women’s Institute.

I was always interested in news and remember this time well.  On our side of the Atlantic was a United States divided on whether to get into this war or not.   Many thousands of  Yanks just a generation earlier had died in Europe defeating the army of the German Kaiser.

Will inject some family history here.  My father in WW I was a Lt. in the  US Army Dental Corp and my uncle, serving in the Army Medical Corps, ended his surgical career with a hand wound.  Your paternal grandfather also served in WW I. I do not know in what capacity. I do know that after the WW I he was active in helping write the NRA and during WWII he served as a member of  some war time committee . My father tried to enlist in WWII  but was turned down for active duty to his age and/or health.

Churchill was a master politician and worked with president Franklin D Roosevelt, to get help, but Pres. Rooselvelt’s hands were tied with anti-war sentiment and legislation.  Finally a way was found to help with a “Lend Lease Agreement” to get supplies to  a beleaguered England.     I believe the supplies were shipped by a brave Merchant Marine and the highly competent German submarines prowled the seas to destroy as many of these ships as possible.  The Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor ended any vacillation on the part of  US citizens.  We Went To War!!

Dunkirk  was about the 400,000 plus Allied soldiers stranded on the beach at Dunkirk as the invading German armies closed in for the kill.  It is an emotional movie.  I remember this incident so well listening to the radio as news came in about this amazing feat. Churchill refused to surrender and calling Britain a seafaring nation, he appealed to owners of all small craft, personal or otherwise, 50 to 100 feet, to cross the channel and bring these men home.  The courage of these boat owners as they faced strafing from German planes, will always be legend in the history of Britain.  I need to also mention are bravery of the RAF who fought off the strafing German planes, some of whom made the ultimate sacrifice.  I have forgotten the number of boats who answered the call, but it was huge.  Miraculously they brought back around 300,000 men, saving, literally, the British army, to fight again.  These brave small-boat owners made more than one trip and not all returned.  Paul Gallico wrote a  beautiful small story, “The Snow Goose,” about this invasion.

 This is already too long.  Easter Sunday – will write about this tomorrow –

 

 

 

Sunday, March 25, 2018 – Palm Sunday, Family Visit, World War II Comments

Palm Sunday

Up early today for 7:30 am Chapel, my beloved church since moving to Ponte Vedra in 1986.     When we first came to Ponte Vedra looking for a retirement community, friends invited us to Chapel service, held, except for bad weather, in a pavilion on the beach.  We were so impressed that Scott said after the service, “These are the kind of people we want to live among.”  The next day we bought a house here, and I still count my blessings for this decision.

Today’s sermon on Palm Sunday was excellent, stressing the happenings of Holy Week. a week of events that changed the world.  I always remember my granddaughter on Palm Sunday.  At that time, a small pre-school child, she would come to Chapel with us along with her mother.  One Palm Sunday at the end of the sermon this precocious, loving, caring little girl pulled my head down and whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry, Grandmother.  He’s alive again on Sunday.”  At that early age she had captured the essence of the message of Easter.  We serve a loving, living God..

Family Visit – one week of fun activities and loving memories!

My son and his family were visiting here all last week.  Two of my  other children live in this area.  One I live with in a separate apartment attached to their house and the other a short 30 minutes away.  We had a wonderful, joyful week of daily getting together in one house or another or at the Club..  Lots of laughs, sharing of past events and planning future ones.  I am very blessed to have a family who cherishes each other, supports each other, values each other.

Memories from WW II

Some of the family members asked me what it was like as a teenager during World War II.

I was 15 that infamous day  Dec. 7, 1941, when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor.  I had gone to the afternoon movie with a friend, a favorite pastime in the small Midwest town in Indiana where I lived.  As we came out of the movie, we were told of this event by people standing around in the streets stunned at what had happened.  My uncle and aunt were visiting that day.  Their son was in the Navy serving on a ship at Pearl Harbor.  I rushed home to find a very upset, frantic family.  My uncle had called someone in Washington but could get no news.  My cousin survived that day and served the Navy the entire war.    This cousin was so inept with a gun, that my uncle refused to take him hunting.  Also he had flunked out of college.  His angry father refused to support him so he had joined the Navy.  However, during this crisis at Pearl Harbor, he displayed such qualities that he was given a field commission.  I saw him many years later when I visited Seattle.  He had built a successful business dealing with boats, which his sons had taken over after his retirement.   He did comment that as a result of his war experiences he battled a drinking problem, which he finally got under control.

After Pearl Harbor, life rapidly changed.  In some ways, never to be the same.  War was declared and the nation went on wartime status.  The  drafting of all able bodied men 18  and over began. U S industry began immediately retooling, gearing up, to build the necessary weapons, tanks, etc.  If a man wanted a choice of what service to be in, he volunteered.  The next day recruiting offices were besieged by men volunteering to serve and save their country.  Your paternal grandfather was among this group.  He became a Navy pilot. A friend of mine wrote a book about his experiences in WWII titled “We Went Willingly.”

Shortly rationing of food, gasoline , etc. began.  When I went to college in Sept, 1944, I had to take my ration books with me.

It is difficult to put into words the  effect of this Dec., 1941, event.  It touched every aspect of our lives and oh so rapidly.

Japan had attacked us in a treacherous way.  It was a tremendous shock!!  Japan had diplomatic people in Washington, DC,  supposedly in peace negotiation with the US government.   Europe was in a huge war with Hitler’s Germany the aggressor and the German troops were conquering too rapidly too many countries

Our military was not in good shape.  If Japan had immediately following Pearl Harbor attacked our West Coast, one wonders what would have been the result.  Had Hitler immediately after Dunkirk  attacked the coast of the U K, what would have been the result?  The war was not going well on any front on Dec 7, 1941. The situation would not improve immediately.

As a teenager, I saw teenage boys change into men who would soon be called into active military duty……many of whom did not return.  Those who did return came back changed.

I will continue with this in my next blog.  I am surprised after so many years, how emotional it is to write about this. I want be sure to write correctly.

My First Blog- At Age 91 – Introduction

Introduction – why am I doing this – to whomI am directing my comments – what do I hope to accomplish

In July 2016, much to my surprise, all my cherished family, including  nieces and nephews as well as children and grandchildren gathered to celebrate my 90th birthday.  Guests were to dress in a costume representing one of the decades of my life.  Actually, my birthday is August 30, but July 4 was a convenient date.

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This wonderful event brought me to the reality that I although I had lived 90 decades, there are many things I have always wanted to share but had seldom done so.  Now  I realized I do not have  that much time left to share  these experiences,(living through WWII, first days in Cali, working at NBC);  ideas (inner city neighborhoods, personal responsibility, );  thoughts (danger of hasty reactions, my Christian faith, choices made).   I began wondering if I have thanked all the people I should.; remembering words I should not have spoken;  people with whom I should have stayed in contact;  the many joys and regrets.

In summary, what have I learned over the years and what would I like to share.

I did not know how to go about this.  Aside from some phone  conversations, texts, and emails, little  was done.  Then my granddaughter Michelle Matalon Delgado recently started a blog with lots of fun and interesting  information about her life as a working mother.  “Aha” said I.  “As soon as Scotty comes to visit, I will have him set up a blog page about life after 90.”

Before I finish this first introductory page, want to add one more photo taken at that marvelous  90th birthday party:   Lisle’s  brother and his sister and her family, who frequently come to share July 4th with us.  They went to a great deal of trouble to participate and their costumes are outstanding.

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